Worst. Suicide Watch. Ever.

 Sometimes you just need to be suicidal for a bit, so you can calm down later. That may sound crazy to you, if you've never been suicidal. However, I just got home from being on suicide watch at the ER. Well, I say "suicide watch" but it was more "suicide ignore". Saint Bernadine's hospital in San Bernardino are the worst.

You see, I was suicidal. (I was depressed Capitalism has prevented loved ones from having any time for me, so I figured that I'm irrelevant.) I called my therapist. He told my dad to take me to the ER. They took me to the area with the beds and curtains. They sat me there, alone. After getting to the point where my frustration was overcoming my depression, I walked out. Like literally just walked out. They didn't have the door locked or anything. Security and some other workers followed me and I just stood out on the sidewalk chatting with cops and security until my dad came to pick me back up.

What if I had just walked into traffic? They had no safeguards for any of that. Why isn't an ER more prepared for suicidal people? Next time, my dad is just gonna take me for a drive through the mountains or something. It would help me clear my head and wouldn't involve blood work.

Anyway, the cop I had talked to was super friendly. (San Bernardino has worked toward making sure their cops are more well-equiped for helping crazy people. They even send mental health teams to help mental crisis situations.) He told my dad that I seemed safe enough to go.

Nothing in particular saved me, except for willpower and bipolar. (When depression shifted to mania, I was good to go. Just another reason I don't really mind mania, most of the time.) Is there a bipolar Green Lantern? There should be one. His name should be Lance. I kept reciting the oath and looking at my tattoo when I was alone in the hospital.

Anyway, just felt like ranting about it. Don't feel bad for me. It's capitalism's fault.